and so the time
has come to pass
when we must face
what cannot last
the day is gone
and night is here
and we will rest
till dawn comes near

we will not grieve
nor dwell in regret
only believe
in what is not yet
new songs to share

excerpt from “till dawn”

Reluctantly, I return to these words, their truths too pointed for now. For grieving, still disbelieving, dawn feels far from near.

People of faith have been variously a help and a hindrance in these days. Some have spoken gently of the lost art of mourning, of the need simply to take time to sleep, to weep, to feel what needs to be felt for now. Others have tried to paper over the cracks in my being with words meant to comfort but which have just left me feeling cold.

I can understand the need to find reason, the desire to seek sense. But sometimes there is none. Sometimes there is no sense. And all we can do is to trust, as someone once put it, that there are “tears in the heart of the eternal”, and that we are understood. And that we do not wait alone for the distant dawn.*

*Written a little after Stephen’s death, Carol Anne.